Saturday, September 3, 2011

Goodnight Moon

Goodbyes haven't gotten any easier.
The day with my son went well, as expected.
From the start I had been notified that he may be coming down with a fever.
Not showing any symptoms whatsoever I decided it best to enjoy some outdoor time with him.
Broke out a few new toys to fool around with:
- a hopscotch mat
- a plane which blows bubbles
- a rather over-sized squirt gun
water brigadier
a boy and his dog

Once the festivities concluded we took a stroll downtown,
destination: the local comic book store, as well as the toy store for some childrens books.
I served as the prince's chauffeur as he rode horseback the entire way to and fro
Beneath the Flag
I then recommended we stop for a bite to eat and enjoy the commons playground,
he wanted no part, as his legs were asleep due to spending his travels on my back.
So we ventured back and agreed we'd take the dog to the playground closer to home.

Once we arrived home and got settled it became clear the lil' guys temperature was rising.
At this point all bets were off on heading back out,
and the rest of the time was spent playing indoors, and observing his temperature.
Medicine lowered the chance of prospective danger, and thankfully restored his health,
as I was worried his condition might worsen and a trip to the doctor may be necessary.
(I've been made aware by his caretakers that his temp has once again rose,
but won't know more until tomorrow, hopefully some sleep curbs his ailments)

At one point I began drawing him while he played.
Bare in mind I've miniscule experience in portraits, 
and those I've constructed were done so when parties were asleep, 
so doing so in regards to an active young boy was no easy ballgame and didn't get very far.
We also "got inked" as his suitors at the "Maverick Hotel" referred to it:
his choice? his favorite Mario character: the Princess,
whom reminds me (and obviously him) of certain individuals

It's become apparent he has begun analyzing the situation he was forced into far more then expected.
Alot of questions arose pertaining to the fact that his mother was not home.
At one point he had made mention that he believed this ordeal would subside upon moms return.
There was no way for me to explain to him that this was unlikely, 
so I detoured the conversation as to avoid answering such a statement.
Keeping my own opinions on the matter bottled with him isn't exactly easy,
but bare in mind I've no animosity towards the party in question,
so the focus becomes more on the fact that we all love him 
and whether true or not from the opposite side of the spectrum, 
still contain a wealth of love for each other as well.
I refuse to offer any negative sentiment towards his mother, because fact is none exists.

End of the night became a bit worrisome.
Once I notified him that his caretakers would be arriving shortly,
he began trying to finagle a way to avoid leaving,
including various offers to go to bed as well as the many activities which this entails,
such as reading books, or getting into PJ's.
As the clock drew closer, his pleads became more apparent.
The instant they arrived, he began crying more then he has thus far.
My only option was to inform him that this wasn't the end, and he'd be returning again in short time.
Truly heartbreaking circumstances across the board.
A true damper on the evening for which I obviously blame him not,
for he's truly the central victim of all this.
I see the joy in his eyes upon returning, and understand his desire to stay, as I share this notion.
In many ways I wish his mother was involved with our get-togethers.
His questions concerning the matter plague my mind infinitely,
and any real answers can't be divulged, as I myself must stay strong and keep his worries buried.
Hopefully in the end, this can all draw to a head without completely transforming who he would've inevitably become otherwise.

On another note, some of my inner thoughts which arose during a recent 'heart-to-heart'.
Honestly, feeling a bit spiritual at the moment,
and I'm sharing because many of these things I myself need to keep in mind:

"My own apartment was imprisoned by memories for far too long,
but at some point you have to realize that these 'haunted' locales will never be inhabited by the same experiences ever again, so it then becomes your responsibility to live in the moment rather then focusing on the mirage of what once was"

"Can't live within regret, it will just pull you under... I've plenty, 
but all in all you can't roll back the clock and refill the hourglass"

"dealing gets easier with time as more opportunities arise or you realize your own self-worth minus the necessity for other individuals"

"clean the slate and erase prior memories which stand in the way of doing so, 
focusing on the positives and future likelihoods"

and now some recent thoughts by the Dalai Lama
when asked what surprised him the most about humanity:

Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;
the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;
he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."

and without further ado, a track I picked for the night:
I'm the next act
Waiting in the wings

I'm an animal
Trapped in your hot car

I am all the days
That you choose to ignore

You are all I need
You are all I need
I'm in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds

I'm a moth
Who just wants to share your light

I'm just an insect
Trying to get out of the night

I only stick with you
Because there are no others

You are all I need
You're all I need
I'm in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds

It's all wrong
It's all right
It's all wrong

and a few additional pictures taken today, plus a few constructed yesterday:
carpet bomb

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