Faith in fate

Nothing happens for a reason, destiny is debauchery. There exists only consequence & coincidence

artistic/autistic

....and now for some mood music:

My minds in disarray, chock full of thought for better or worse.

Much turmoil brewing internally. 

I've ceased taking notes regarding politics for the time being,

and instead have replaced the scrawl with scrap paper adorned with ideas for future art projects.

The juices are flowing, only problem is finding the time to put these visions to paper.

Lately I've felt as though I can accomplish anything within my reach 

and have no fear that these projects will eventually come to fruition.

My eyes have once again returned to spanning the environment for prospective photographs.

While many walk aimlessly, my eyes are scanning each and every crevice.

A bit consuming to say the least.

Life in general is rather lonely. I work alone, return to an empty home, and sleep alone.
Rinse, Wash, Repeat.

It's more than evident that only I have the power to change this, comprehend what that entails.

If my son was by my side, my woes would subside. He's my everything now.
To return to the day of waking with him and putting him to sleep is unfortunately unfathomable.

I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that his mother is never returning.

The situation is out of my hands... so shall it be.... as there's nothing I can possibly do except move on.

So expect much art from me in the future, as other then pets its nearly my only company.

I've much aspiration to start experimenting with various forms, such as charcoal, collage, and drawing.

Shots of the day:

Broken Hearts Club

Today I spent time with 2 individuals separately suffering from heartache 

from opposite sides of the each others spectrum.

Both cases involved children as well as significant others.

Seems all too familiar these days. Recently upon returning from my journey into Boston,

the walk home resulted in 2 separate run-ins with friends of the past also going through the same debacle.
Loss of a loved one, ultimately ending in loss of child.

Can't help but feel sorry for all these individuals and their personal situations.

Genuinely they and I only desire the same thing, family, love, and a dash of cuddling.

How cruel a world to deprive faithful individuals of these human necessities.

In the majority of these conversations which took place I offered a warm ear,

and tried to keep my own history at bay while expressing heartfelt sympathy.

The sum total of these stories is 5 broken homes, 5 children which will venture through childhood from the perspective of never experiencing a solid family.

Tragedy.... 

In all cases the parents just desired a "normal" life with their partner and child.

The future is unfathomable upon destruction of the civil union.

Strong bonds are necessary in light of the downward spiral this world has entered and continuously follows.

While the majority are focused on partying, there exists human beings only yearning for peace within themselves, some via a bond with their lover and/or child.

Devotion is a rare virtue far unappreciated.
Anyone who knows my situation is well informed that I will always keep a spot open in my heart for the one I love regardless of their actions or lack thereof.

One can only hope time heals all wounds.

Abandonment is common and far too acceptable in the eyes of the populous.

Stay faithful to yourself, as well as those who love you the most.

Respect to those who shared traces of their heart with me. Wish I could mend the pieces.

War & Peace

Devil's Drink

No offense, as this isn't aimed at anybody in particular, just a bit of an observation.

But people drink too damn much!
Since when is this cool to the extent that people feel obligated to broadcast everytime they drink.

More so, putting up pictures of themselves drinking nearly every occasion they do so.

Seriously, congratulations you made it past 21, but your drinking is no accomplishment.
To add insult to injury its usually expected of these individuals to periodically post photos of themselves hammered.

I'm down for a drink every so often, and once in a blue moon may push it past the limit,
but this is nothing to be proud of, to the point where its an obligation to advertise the fact.

Nothing wrong with occasionally enjoying liquor and letting everyone know,

or even crossing the line there after,

but when it becomes habitual or what defines you as a person, a tad extreme, no?

Starry Night

Because I can:

One's Company

Wherever you are, you will carry always
Truth of the scars and darkness of your faith
Slowly move on, how did we get to here
It all went wrong, gravity claiming all your tears
Everything looks so much better now, so much better now

You will get yours, you will get yours, you will get yours
You have no right to ask me now, you were never that around
I have missed

Reality daytrips and your suit me, suit me ways
Turn out the light switch, we've been awake for days
And no-one's coming round here no more, no-one's coming round here

You will get yours, you will get yours, you will get yours
You will get yours, you will get yours
You have no right to calm me down, you were never that around
I have missed, I have missed

Cold contagious, all the might mighty men
What you save is what you lose out in the end
Cold contagious, cold contagious

Paint your perfect day, I don't mind this
I'm better off by the way, deeply grounded

You will get yours, you will get yours, you will get yours
You will get yours, you will get yours, you will get yours

Cold contagious, all the mighty mighty men
What you save is what you lose out in the end
Cold contagious, cold contagious

Cold contagious, cold contagious  

 Have always been fond of this one, but never has it retained so much significance.

Could go on forever deciphering the lyrics, but will let you draw your own conclusions based upon personal experience and loss.

Yearn to get into a similar mode. Wish her cold was contagious.

Things have been looking up, but I still dwell within a self-inflicted asylum.

Even as I enjoy a Kelly's clam plate washed down with Octoberfest, I remain tortured by thought.

Love is the catalyst of misery. 

Even on my birthday I've shattered plans, instead choosing to isolate myself, 

hopefully deprivation rekindles the soul.

As the trains keeps-a-rolling, fearful life will quit giving me chances if I fail to grab the bull by the horns.

Life goes on.... in the words of Vonnegut, "so it goes".

Wishes

Assuredly, birthday wishes can never be fulfilled.

Destination Unknown

Set sail for the Museum of Contemporary Arts today, was a journey of inspiration.

Conjured a slew of ideas for future projects.
Didn't take any pictures inside as they don't allow photography, but this wasn't the trips intent regardless.

Such beautiful weather, "the calm before" you could say, rolling thunder, heavy wind, warm breeze.

Irene is imminent, but the brainstorm begun months ago.

Ran into some old friends, and met a few new ones.

Ironically everyone seems to be having the same problems in different forms.

As I see it, we live in a world where not many people want to be 'tied down'.
Life's a whole new ballgame for me, freedom is abundant, but I'd prefer solidarity. Not my choice.

So time has come to make due with the cards I'm dealt.

Took it upon myself to block any websites I was following my X on.

Honestly it was more of a retaliatory measure if anything, since she had already blocked me across the board. Truthfully she still eats me alive internally, but there still remains 11 months to her restraint.

Alot can change in that time, as far as I've gone, my psyche has shifted dramatically in the few months since her departure. Still faze in and out of depression, but time has bred much thought.

Looking forward to spending time with my son on Sunday,

unfortunately I won't be able to enjoy prior plans due to weather, but I'm going to try my best to make it a wonderful time for him, he deserves it as much as I.

Thankfully I still get the chance to do so.

Opportunities have begun stockpiling, still can't help but shoot many down,

but as time drifts, recovery will surely become a bit easier.

Life's strange really, changes in the blink of an eye.
You can be CEO one day, and in a bread line the next.

Lately I've felt as if I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, 

determined to fulfill all responsibilities as well as construct much art as a therapeutic distraction.

It's served as my catalyst of expression.

Haven't touched a video game in months.

Acquiring music and movies has been abandoned for far some time.

It's necessary I jump ship from Facebook, as it's far too unconstructive for me to be fucking with.

Not much I have in common with most people really.

Destination unknown, but as long as seas remain, there will always be room for exploration.

 

and just because:

Scatterbrain

Suffering from serious scatterbrain lately, a torrent of ideas filtering through.

Various projects in the works as well as many I've yet to kick start.

Lately I hunger, the quest for political street art in all forms is a bit consuming,

to the extent I desire a solo shot through NYC to scavenge more, though I've still got much ground to cover in Beantown, a bit at odds of where to voyage, though I may just hop a bus this Saturday and chill with the worms in the core of the apple, just gotta push myself to do so.

There's a movement abroad to inform the public via public walls and I yearn to not miss a beat.

Time appears to drag at work, likely due to the fact that those I've lost still mingle in my mind.

Come to the realization that it will be impossible for me to have feelings for another until I empty all empathy for those of my past, and I don't see this coming to a conclusion any time soon.

My son trumps all individuals, and truly means the world to me.

As long as I've some sort of relationship with him, I truly don't need or desire any new ones,

other then friends... but anything beyond that seems unrealistic as only a selective few encompass my heart, for better or worse.

I digress, free time fluidly surpasses me, leaving me with not enough time to get much accomplished. I've many visions and articles I'd like to see come to fruition. 

Received much opportunity to endeavor with others and though I wish to grasp anything which comes forth, still feel compelled at times to stick to what I know best: seclusion.

Spent 9 hours in Boston on Sunday, on a constant march throughout the cities streets and alleys.

Minus the blisters, these were the end result:

 

Satisfied with the results of this journey, but of course there's still lies much ground to cover.

More from one of my favorite albums and bands of current times:

QUOTE: Jim Marrs - windshields

"We are increasingly isolated from one another-

stuck in front of computer and television screens,

prisoners from behind windshields."

- Jim Marrs *Rule by Secrecy*

Politics as Usual

some political pics I finagled:

Love is a Succubus

I've great disdain for societies role in the acceptance of the lack of dogmas associated with todays relationships. What happened to morals or ethics?

Not even marriage is a guaranteed union anymore, many are just as quick to cut the thread as they are to tie the knot. What have we become as a people when its socially acceptable to disown those who have grown fond of us simply because there's always an "upgrade" on deck?

These days I've no expectations to ever find someone who can resist growing bored of me.

There will always be someone out there better looking with more going on no matter who you are.

Trust itself is out the window. Even if I tried my best to provide a fun experience to the best of my abilities, there will always be down time, and in the age of the internet there will always be others prying for the admiration of your companion.

It then becomes up to your significant other whether or not they feed into the manipulation or urge to follow such paths, and from what I've experienced they in time always will.

I was never one to believe it was right to stay in a relationship for the sake of a child,

but people these days are just as quick to follow temptation regardless if one is in the equation or not.

Which is why there remains so many single parents.

Since when did FAMILY become exclusive to bloodlines?

Can you envision the future under these circumstances?

Presently family get-togethers are a rare commodity, if you still partake in them, consider yourself lucky.

Will family events of the future consist of a single mother bringing child over to single grandparents home?

The media has changed the course of human nature, it's become far too concerned with open relationships and an infinite exchanging of partners.

Connections become limited when you realize your on borrowed time, and paranoia sets in once you understand this day in age nothing lasts forever.

The majority have become so narcissistic that staying true to another is unrealistic.

With the amount of competition containing no ideology, its constant dog eat dog.

I recently was third wheel on a conversation between 2 parties on the fundamentals of this.

One was insisting he was going to have sex with a girl who was in a relationship.

He insisted that it's been done to him, and if he didn't somebody would. Declaring "that's how it goes".

The other whom I agree with was adamant that we should lead the change we desire rather than fall into this trap.

All in all, I used to believe that I was truly blessed in my prior relationship,

that feeling you get when someone treats you as if you're the most important person on the planet, is one to be treasured and revered. But in all cases I can't help but feel that in this culture I've been born into that this illusion quickly wears off and they're just as quick to admire another.

Everyone has become easily replaceable, those blessed with good looks have it a tad easier.

But in these times, one moment you're loved, the next you're disowned.

some photos:

Animal/Human hybrids

First step back on the scene, 

I'd like to address a disturbing transmission recently leaked out of Europe.

The discovery of a lab in the UK which was found to have grown embryos of 150 animal/human hybrids.

One can only imagine the ramifications of tampering with human development on this scale.

The Island of Dr. Moreau seems far less absurd in light of this revelation.

 In the current age of technological progress, truth is indeed stranger than fiction.

Science has become progressively unrestrained:

-cloning

-genetic modification 

-geo-engineering

and so on, and so forth.

Prior regulation has been thrown out the window, and science has taken free reign.

The creation of the embryos were given the green light upon the introduction of 

the 2008 Human Fertilization & Embryology Act

which "legalized the creation of a variety of hybrids":

- an animal egg fertilized by human sperm

- Cybrids: a human nucleus implanted into an animal cell

- Chimeras: human cells mixed with animal embryos

"Ethically it can never be justifiable – it discredits us as a country. It is dabbling in the grotesque."
- Lord Alton, member of the House of Lords

The article ended stating that "other countries have little or no regulation" in the creation of animal/human hybrids, and one would suspect that this practice has been conducted for far some time.

I can only guess that these experiments pale in comparison to those hidden from public awareness,

but this of course is speculation as surely subjects of this matter are kept under tight wraps as not to make the public wary of such interference with mother nature.

As scientist seek to find god with the recent hunt for the Higgs Boson, 

they are essentially playing his role in other fields of natural creation and genetic manipulation.

Could Charles Darwin have imagined such tampering with the future of evolution?

Considering his sons role in the utilization of Eugenics, I'd surmise he would've revelled in the idea.

RELATED: 

- scientists create animals that are part human

- taxpayer dollars fund human cloning

- human genes injected into mice

- human-based gelatin

- pig/human hybrids to supply organs

- human cells a chimera of ancient life

fire on all cylinders

Last night was a meaningful experience for me.

What started as a movie night transitioned into a bit of an awakening.

It all began with a friend questioning the assassination of JFK

and what subsequently unraveled was a trip down the rabbit hole.

A journey to enlighten a lifelong friend on many of the discrepancies I've come across in my hunt for truth.

These things tend to spiderweb once I get going, so many factors came to the forefront.

In order to refresh my memory and keep the information as factual as possible,

I revisited this blog in order to provide links to backup my words.

Though it was a bit of a bumpy road due to the fact that Bloggers search bar sucks in retrieving information, and due to the fact that not surprisingly many of the links were removed

(no biggie, you can delete the headline, but will never erase the truth),

I felt I was still capable of keeping a steady flow of facts to defend my admissions.

In doing so I once again realized that humanity is in danger,

that whether or not we are aware of it, a movement to contaminate the masses is largely underway.

Geo-engineering will only upset the course of nature long term,

and there's reason to believe maybe this is intended.

A power grab has been in effect for some time to strip the citizens of their rights judicially,

and consequently a move has begun to disregard the Constitution under this stranglehold.

I had shunned this information for the length of a month due to enduring a personal nightmare.

In essence, all I've ever known was abandonment and couldn't believe I continue to suffer from its grasp.

Though I was able to turn away from reality temporarily under this spell, 

it would be ignorant to continue to deny these evils exist.

The system has stolen my child, the mental illness of another has robbed me of a future with a natural family. 

I believed there was not much left to lose. But this in itself is far from the truth.

Under todays many regulations and further devaluation of the dollar, we are only at the tip of the iceberg, various plans have been set forth which have yet to be implemented, but indeed will be enforced in time.

So many preach anarchy, but beneath the skin only desire chaos, as subliminally they are retentive to the notion that all is not well, and seek some sort of change to establish a tipping point in which to vent their frustrations in order to fulfill the desire to live the life they believed was righteous. The majority of these individuals have no understanding of the motives behind the tyranny we are all undergoing

and typically tend to not offer any real solutions, and instead their actions only give the system an excuse to inflict further restrictions in order to restrain future dissidence.

The wheels of feudalism have been set in motion by the age of austerity,

and currently not enough citizens actually give a shit enough in order to make a difference.

It will take the system placing their livelihood in jeopardy for them to put down the remote and drop the thirst for gossip which distracts them on a daily basis.

In this world of a threatening peril, the truth needs as many messengers as it can get.

I intend to communicate the information I perceive as threatening to as many people I can.

In hopes that they will in turn do the same. There exists no greater threat than the current establishment.

The dawn of revolution looms ever closer, and is in fact inevitable under the current circumstances.

I've taken too many notes and done far too much research which has made me aware of these issues.

I do not intend to give up, and will continue to research to aid in carrying the message.

For the sake of my sons future, and the children of others, its imperative we overcome.

Let's pass the torch, and keep the flame of enlightenment lit!

Refuse to Lose

Burning Man

It's official, I have to make my way to Burning Man within the coming years!

Onward & Upward

Today turned out to be a pretty decent day.

Got to see my lil' man, and though it was only an hour, so much got accomplished. 

Brought lots of toys, so we enjoyed plenty of activities in the brief period.

Also learned things may be looking up a bit, on the upcoming weekend of my birthday, I'll get to spend an entire day with him unsupervised, at my home.

Can't wait to take him out and about, I was so thrilled when I discovered this.

Also was ecstatic to learn that a daycare was found for my boy, so he won't be moved to the home of any strangers, and will remain at his current residence until all this gets squared away.

He kept asking me when he can come home insisting he didn't want to be on vacation anymore,

(this was something I told him earlier in this debacle, not having an explanation at the time)

I tried to explain to him to the best of my abilities that everything would indeed work out and he would be reunited with his family in the near future. He seemed to understand.

I always try to not overstep my boundaries or step on anyones toes when engaging in these conversations with him. As he rode off he sported his usual tears, but for once I was not filled with sadness but rather was excited of the prospect of him one day returning home.

My dogs been super cozy and kick-ass today too. He's a wonderful companion.

Time to start appreciating what I have rather then focusing on my losses.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that the apartment is now all my own, and hopefully gets a hearty helping of my sons company in the future.

Life is indeed looking up. Time to move on from my prior memories and start building the foundation for new ones. TGIF tomorrow. Haven't even cooked dinner yet, I'm thinking breakfast with swine.
I've lost about 20 pounds since these issues began, many have called me out on it.

Love my animals, love my son most of all, and love all the help and sympathy I've received down this road.
I've also contemplated getting a Canon EOS 5D in the future, not a priority though,
but definitely seek to fulfill this desire.

some shots from the day:

 

we sang this song together as well, which he still remembered from when he was a toddler,
was a great moment: